In this world, there are 3 types of people. An introvert, an extrovert and an ambivert. I consider my self as an introvert. Because I’m a lone digger.
I started to figure out about my introversion 4 or 5 years ago (I’m not really sure tho). I didn’t know the word ‘introvert’ before. Thanks to social media, now I know about who am I really are. I used to only know the word ‘shy’ and ‘lonely’. Even though both words are not really who I am, I used these excuses to my self. I’m not shy, but I used to think I am. Well… maybe I’m a little shy. I don’t enjoy being around too many people. It really makes me uncomfortable. When my friends were partying, I tried to joined them. I tried to do something that I’m not comfortable with, and I started to think about things in my mind. You know… things like are my friends going to like me if I joined them? Am I good enough at dancing? Are they going to hate me? and so on. When I’m being around people, my mind will starts to think about a lot of thing. Things about will they like me, did I dressed well, did I smell good, what if they don’t like me, what if they don’t want to be my friend, things that my insecurities will love my mind to think.
What is the greatest time for people like me? a time for being alone. If you’re an introvert just like me, we know that being alone is the greatest give that god could ever possibly give. Nahh it was too exaggerated, I know. But seriously… being alone is HEAVEN. If I’m home alone, I feel so free. I feel like I can be myself and not pretending to be others. That’s why I chose to continued my study in another city because I finally can be alone. But even though I’m alone, there’s nothing like home. Home is where my heart is. Being alone at home is the greatest time I’ve had.
Speaking about being alone in another city, where you’re living on your own and your friends is your only choice, you need to interact. Even though your insecurities tell you not to do this thing, or that thing and your thoughts controlling your body, you need to talking to others. I learned that we introverts can have friends too and talk to others. As I said before, we’re not shy, we’re just an introvert. I must say that I talk a lot around my friend in university, but deep down I hid my insecurities with my cheerful face. I may look happy and talkative but when I talked, there are tons of words that went through my mind. I always feel like these friends are temporary. They won’t be around me years from now. That’s why I didn’t really get close with them, only with a few of them. I’ve been living for almost 20 years, and I don’t really contact my friends from the past because I think they won’t recognize me. And now I regret it. I regret that I didn’t talk that much to them in the past, and keep contact with because that’s the reason they won’t recognize me. But there are a bit of relieve that they don’t recognize me now, because I don’t need to do the small talk whenever I meet them.
Although I said before that i’m a bit more talkative with people now, I realize that I only being talkative with a few people. I only talk much with my classmates or people that living close to me. I don’t talk much with my seniors or juniors and others. My friends are extroverts. They talk much with my juniors, seniors or others and my friends are very friendly and open to them. Sometimes they do things that kind of exposing me to them and trying to make me close to my juniors and seniors as much as I do. But I just can’t, in fact I feel very uncomfortable. I ended up ‘recharging’ my battery by shutting myself up in my room for a day, or sometimes more.
I know, I talk nonsense above. But that’s just me 🙂 My point is even though you’re an introvert, but you need to survive in society if you want to grow and achieve your dreams. Your introvert self won’t fade away, you won’t change, but you’ll grow as a person. Being an introvert is my greatest thing, it’s not wrong, it’s a right thing. I’m proud of being myself. I’m a proud introvert 🙂